Feh
by Ookami Aya original
Summary: I suppose you could call it a parody of those amaturely written humor fics where everybody's so out of character it's not even funny. Surprise ending that probably shouldn't be a surprise.


Yesterday was a new moon. When I found out, I'm all like Cool! New moon! An' then I thought for a second and I'm all like, crap! Cuz I'm not in the MOOD to be human! DANG! An' then the door bell rang so I hadta go get it and I'm all like, "Hi, Sesshoumaru!"  
  
"Hi Inu-Yasha."  
  
"Come on in! I'll get some tea!"  
  
"Okay." He came in and sat down at the tea table.  
  
"Here ya go!" I poured us both some tea an' he's all like,  
  
"Thank you."  
  
"You're welcome!" So we drank tea and chatted a bit. Drink. Talk. Drink. Talk  
  
An' then we run out of tea and Sesshoumaru says, "You realize why I came."  
  
"No. No I don't."  
  
Sesshoumaru just smiles and says, "I KNOW YOUR WEAKNESS! AHAHA!"  
  
"Crap."  
  
"AND TONIGHT YOU BECOME HUMAN! AHAHAHA!" And he's totally cracking up.  
  
"Shut up, you."  
  
Sesshoumaru snorted and calmed down. "Please excuse me. I just find that hilarious."  
  
"Nah, really? I would have never guessed." And then the doorbell rang again. "Hello, Shippou."  
  
"Hi Inu-Yasha!" Shippou looked over my shoulder. "Hi, Sesshoumaru. Did you come to make fun of him, also?"  
  
"Yup."  
  
"AARG!" I closed the door and it rang again. "Hi Kagome. Join the party."  
  
"Okay. Hi, Sesshoumaru. Hi Shippou. Did you come to..?" They nodded. "Ah. I thought so. Well, Inu-Yasha is gonna need an ally, eh, Dog-Boy?" She patted me on the head. She knows I hate that.  
  
"Don't pat me on the head. And don't call me dog boy."  
  
Kagome giggled. "Whatever you say, Dog-Boy!"  
  
"ARG! Why don't you call Sesshoumaru dog-boy? Or Shippou fox-boy?"  
  
"Well, Fluffy here already has a nickname. And Shippou is to cute to annoy." Shippou beamed.  
  
"WAA! Aren't I cute?"  
  
"Did you just call me fluffy?"  
  
"Yes, but not as cute as Shippou."  
  
"DID YOU JUST CALL ME FLUFFY?!"  
  
I pouted. "Aww. You're cute when you pout. Here- have a doggy treat!"  
  
"ARG! SEE WHY I CONSIDER BECOMING HUMAN?!" Then the sun went down. The moon DIDN'T come up. My hair turned black and my fangs and claws disappeared. "Aha. You can't call me dog-boy now!"  
  
"No, but your fellow demons can tease you."  
  
"SHE JUST CALLED ME FLUFFY!"  
  
Kagome looked at Sesshoumaru, blank-faced. "Yes. Yes I did."  
  
Fluffy blinked. "Oh." He didn't know how to respond so he turned to me. "AHAHAHA!"  
  
Now this pissed off Kagome. She got all up in his face and said, "YOU GOTTA PROBLEM WITH HUMANS? HUH? HUH, FLUFFY?!"  
  
"Whoa." Sesshoumaru backed away. I blinked. "AHA! I AM HUMAN! AND YOU ARE NOT! GO ME! AHAHAHA! NOW FEEL THE WRATH OF KAGOME!"  
  
Kagome stepped towards my brother. "WELL FOR YOUR INFORMASION, I, A HUMAN, WILL THOROUGHLY KICK YOUR ASS!"  
  
"Eep."  
  
"AHAHAHAHAHA! FEEL MY WRATH!"  
  
So Kagome's totally kicking Sesshoumaru's butt and Shippou's just kind of sitting there and I'm just kind of sitting there because I don't have anything better to do than to watch.  
  
So then Sess sighs and says, "I guess you leave me no choice." Yeah. This from a guy cowering in the corner from a ticked off human girl. Sure. Whatever. So anyway. He pokes her in the shoulder with the claw on his little finger.  
  
This causes Kagome to collapse immediately. So.erm. I catch her in my arms and put her on the couch. *major sweatdrop & blush* IT WAS A REFLEX, OKAY?! DON'T GET ANY IDEAS!!! Anyway. So than I go, "AREN'T YOUR CLAWS POISEN?!"  
  
And he goes "Hmm? Oh, not that one. It'll just conk her out for a while."  
  
"Oh. Alrighty then." An' Shippou's sitting on the back of the couch waiting for her to wake up. So I get s'more tea and me an' my bro have a lovely little chat about whether or not fireweed goes well with violets.  
  
"But think about the color scheme. Tell me pink doesn't go with purple."  
  
"Baka! That's not the problem! Fireweed is so much more robust. Those delicate little violets wouldn't stand a chance."  
  
"But they could make a nice groundcover in between the fireweed stems."  
  
"Good point. But I don't think it would work in such a large garden."  
  
"Ah. I see. Well, what about the one by the chimney?"  
  
"You know, come to think of it, that's so crazy it just might work! Thanks, Inu-chan!"  
  
"No problem."  
  
Then Shippou hops onto the tea table. "Uh, you guys, Kagome's waking up."  
  
"OH!" So we go over to the couch where Kagome's stirring.  
  
"Un." She rubs her head and moans. Then she blinked and looked at Sesshoumaru. "Y.you have a taaaaaail."  
  
An' Sesshoumaru just kind of blinks.  
  
"And it's fluuuuufy."  
  
Sesshoumaru looked at. "Yes. Yes it is."  
  
"I want a fluffy tail."  
  
"Too bad. You can't have one."  
  
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"  
  
An' Sess backs away. "Yipe..!"  
  
"IWANTONEIWANTONEIWANTONE!" An' we all back away. Kagome pounces on Fluffy and grabs his tail. "AHAHAHA!"  
  
.one hour later.  
  
Me and Shippou are on the couch. He's asleep. Sesshoumaru is sitting on the floor. He is resting his chin on one hand and is drumming his nails on the floor with the other. He has an annoyed expression on his face because Kagome is curled up on the floor next to him. Asleep. Hugging his tail.  
  
So. Next morning. Sun comes up, I get back my hanyou-ness! I'm all like, oh yeah! Go me! I rock! An' I dance around like a maniac in all my hanyou-y glory. Shippou just kinda stares at me. I'm like, "What?" You know, acting all offended. I wasn't really, but hey, I have a reputation to keep.  
  
Shippou's like, "You're acting waaaaaay out of character, you know."  
  
"How so?!" An' this time I really was offended! How dare he say that! Even though I didn't know what he meant by out of character. That's beside the point.  
  
"You're not supposed to dance around when you're happy! That's Aya! And last time I checked, you didn't get along with your brother at all."  
  
Oh. "Oh."  
  
"Come to think of it..." Shippou thought for a while. "You're ALL out of character! AAAAAAAAAAH!!!" An' then he jumped out the window. He really probably shouldn't have done that. I keep my rosebushes out there.  
  
Sesshoumaru's still just sitting there, drumming his nails, but now he looks thoughtful. "You know, we ARE out of character."  
  
Then I thought for a sec. "Yeah, I guess so."  
  
An' then Kagome woke up. An' noticed she was hugging Sesshoumaru's tail. And jumped away from him. And screamed. Both me an' Sess screamed too, covering our ears, cuz she's so damn shrill.  
  
"WHY AM I HUGGING HIS TAIL?!"  
  
"You went a little crazy last night," I told her.  
  
Then she looks around. "Where are we?"  
  
"My house." Duh.  
  
"But you haven't got a house!"  
  
"I don't?" Oh yeah. I don't. Then the house disappeared, and the the forest replaced it. MY forest. Heh.  
  
Then Shippou came back, sayin' something along the lines of, "That's better."  
  
Then Kagome points to my brother and screams again. We cringed again. "WHAT'RE YOU DOING HERE?! WHY AREN'T YOU TRYING TO KILL INUYASHA?!"  
  
Sesshoumaru thought for a moment, an' said, "You know, that's a good question."  
  
Then he blinks, and looked all cold all of a sudden, and frowns a little, and somehow it looked right. Then he just... left.  
  
Without saying goodbye, either! How rude! "How rude!"  
  
An' then Kagome looks at me all weird. And then I felt weird, as if something... just... wasn't... right...  
  
"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!" And why did I keep switching tenses?  
  
Kagome sighed and shook her head. "I don't know, Inuyasha. Come on, let's go find Miroku and Sango. They should be back at Kaede's hut." I nodded, headed back to the village, with her and Shippou following. But something STILL didn't seem right, and I didn't know what... ah.  
  
"...Feh." THAT'S better.  
  
A/N: . . . Don't ask. Just. . . don't ask. Really. It's not a good idea. Let's just say I was in an odd mood. 


End file.
